They are all good
Any DSLR can meet your priorities, but you need to know how to use the camera. A DSLR does not automatically equate to better pictures. Indeed, if you try to use it exactly like your point-and-shoot camera, you might be very disappointed. You need to understand exposure; that will help you get the photos you want.
"A fast shutter speed" is somewhat meaningless. Any camera, even a P&S, has a fast enough available shutter speed. Shutter speed is one of three variables of exposure. The other two are aperture and ISO. When you let the camera choose all three variables, it doesn't know what you want, it only knows to make a "correct" exposure.
All DSLR cameras have fast autofocus. But they won't necessarily focus on what you want if you do not tell it what to focus on.
All DSLR's are pretty good at high ISO, although some are a bit better than others. Regardless, cameras do not automatically select a high ISO unless you have programmed it.
Flash is essential for some photography. I understand why you do not like it, because you have only gotten and seen bad flash photos. But done correctly, flash photos can be much better than a "natural" light photo. It is just another skill that needs to be learned, just like understanding exposure.
Both the cameras you are considering are very good. The body is only a part of a system, though. If you bought a less expensive body, that would allow you to budget more for lenses or other accessories that might be useful for sports photography.