Community poll forum: Do you monitor your kids activity on the Internet?

I know most people would disagree with our decisions but: we don't censor our kids. We'll monitor, and explain and discuss what they come across, but never would we block or ban. We don't see the information available as being the threat, but the concious act of banning and blocking information (including violence and sexuality) as a threat, not just to our kids but to all of society. They're both over 10 now, neither is over 18. They're old enough to know what exists and what is real/not real. No need to hide them from what they'll undoubtedly come across somewhere else eventually.

I started my "sexual exploration" at a very young age; third grade. Today, I blame the repressive nature of my raising for having to find out that stuff on my own. I probably wouldn't have DONE half the things I did had I had another source to deal with, ie watching it. I have no intention of seeing them watch "porn". I have caught them digging around in those sites before, and both my response and my fiance's (her kids by birth) tend to be the same, 'atleast be decent enough to watch it when we're not around' We both agree, though, that when they're busy watching, they're not doing. It gives them a way to let out that, er, tension, without needing to go other routes, like playing doctor. That cover it well?

I don't like everything that's on the Net, but I don't like censorship either. I know from my own youth that forbidden words, pictures, and activities were always the biggest temptations, so I take a different approach with my 5th-grader than the smothering "family values" and "the pornographic Internet sky is falling on our children" hysterics do.

I think that the most important thing parents can do to protect their children when they're not together is to establish a trusting relationship with their children. If your children respect you and trust you, they are more likely to follow your advice and obey your rules when you're not there to monitor them. And if you as a parent have a double standard about surfing the Net, you will neither earn their trust and respect nor deserve it. You have to practice what you preach. But you also have to be able to explain to your children why you think they shouldn't be visiting certain sites, posting certain kinds of information, and talking to certain kinds of people online. Children don't like "Because I said so!" as a reason for everything. A 10-year-old is old enough to understand that life can be dangerous.

I occasionally monitor what my son does. Most of the time he plays online game appropriate for his age. But last month I learned that he had a personal blog with pictures and text. When he showed me the content, I told him that I thought it was better for him not to post pictures of himself, and that he could not post personal information like his address, phone number, or school name and location. I didn't order him to take his pictures down. I merely advised him that it would be much better and safer if he did. I gave him a few compelling, it seems, reasons, because he then went to his mother, who had helped him set up the blog, and asked her to help him take down those pictures of himself. I explained to her my reasons for objecting, and she agreed. Neither one of us had to tell him what to do. He made the right and safe decision for himself.

I never have to hide what I'm doing on the Net. Neither does his mother.

We do restrict his access to the Net to one hour per day. He's so interested in his online games that he spends all that time playing and none surfing. The blog is extra, and he usually asks his mother to help him with it, so I don't worry about it.

I agree wholeheartedly with your decision not to censor but to monitor, discuss, and explain. How else can parents teach their children anything of value?

Yes, I would use that kind of technology. When Windows Home Server is available, I'm going to get one so that I can monitor both my wife's and my son's PCs when they complain that there's something wrong going on with them. I will use that kind of technology to monitor what my son decides to view online. I don't think that minor children have a reasonable expectation of privacy in all respects at home any more than I think that people who use the company's network with the company's or their own PC do.

I bought my son's PC; my son did not. And he's still a minor and my legal and moral responsibility. I don't want to shirk that responsibility. But I don't believe that being good in the absence of the opportunity to be less than good demonstrates anything about character.

I don't watch my son to see whether he's stealing candy or toys from the local stores. I know that he knows better than to do that. That's the kind of trust I hope to be able to develop between us about using the Net.

I will, of course, let him know that I can and on occasion will monitor his surfing. I don't want him to feel that I'm going to be constantly spying on him. I do want him to know that this is standard practice in the business world.

My university blocks lots of sites -- mostly those considered to be pornographic by the powers that be, whoever they are -- but they often get it wrong. I don't like being blocked from sites that I know are not pornographic, but I do understand the desire of the school to keep its network free of downloaded porn and the malware that it often brings. I wouldn't have any problem with the school's blocking music and video download sites either (I don't do that at home either, so I don't know if they're blocked at school). I also don't much care that the school doesn't have a Usenet News server. Too much time at work is wasted by people posting to Google Groups, Usenet, and other chat groups. I can do that at home if and when I want to. I can't afford to do it at school, and I shouldn't be paid while I'm wasting my employer's time and money either.

If my son became a serious online game addict or porn addict, then I'd not only monitor and discuss, but I'd unplug and disconnect, and send him to a shrink. I do have my limits and I have no problem with setting limits for my son.

I think underlying message is communicate with the kids; I have two kids: both are over 10 and under 15. I think our (wife and mine) ironclad requirement of having minimum of 30 min discussion after dinner at least 4 times a week really helped on trust factor. Oh, also every dinner, family must be together no matter what - only rare exceptions do we allow separation. Of course, in the beginning, the kids protested big time about 30 min discussion requirement. Eventually, however, they come to look forward to these discussions which sometimes can be lively or heated. We discuss anything from sex to religious to Bush, etc. I think this bonding helps develop trust to the point where we trust kids in having access to Internet. We do discuss Internet sites and the possible dangers of chat rooms, etc. So the key is build trust factor with kids by communicating with them.

lol same here

Don't have kids. Don't want kids. Problem solved. With the environment, population and political problems we face in this world today and tomorrow kids have much more to worry about than the Internet. I can't imagine bringing anyone into this messed up world anyway.

but I should - there's enough stuff I found in my brother's profile's "My Pictures" folder to make me wanna burn that HDD (or more likely wipe it out and confiscate it, since it boots faster and plays games better :)). Ticks me off too, he doesn't even clean out the computer or do any scans.

I did have a web filter (www.k9webprotection.com) installed but since my father bought it and it blocked sites that my father needed to go to, I had to un-install it, upon his "request".

My grandchildren are not allowed to use the internet at all. My neighbor's daughter is not allowed to use the internet, yet.

..... what they might or might not see online isn't a drop in the bucket compared to tones and underlying plots Kids see and hear enough of everyday even if they are watching "kids" shows on "family friendly" channels.

Of course we have pop-up blockers , but it when my kids are on, they are playing games. I am in and out of the room all the time and it is in a very public portion of the house, where all eyes are.

The worst I have had to worry about with the kids thus far while online is explainign to them that they have to be mindful when they are going into a site that wants them to download a tool bar, as we have had this problem only a coupel times. Then we wonder why the system is slow and why the screen is half the size it was the last time we were on.....

Now I actually find that more comfortable to deal with then my son asking me the other day what E.D. was because he saw a commercial for it ......um, well, let's just go play a game online, shall we?

Whether it be the internet or school or on the street corner, you can't always be with your children. You teach them to do the right thing, how to be safe and how to be decent members of society. Nanny-ware is the lazy way out. Monitor, yes. And be sure they understand about being safe. When they're pre-teens, they don't know you can check browser history so you can keep up on them. A few wrong turns in browsing offered us the "opportunity" to have some very pointed conversations with our boys. In some ways you'll find that's easier than trying to keep up with who their friends are. You've got to lay that out early because when they're into their teens, they're way ahead of you anyway and have many opportunities that are out of your control.

Teaching them includes the concept of continuous teaching. Stalking them gets nothing but kids who feel disempowered, reactive, and not in control. A formula for failure. I taught mine not to smoke, and stayed on it, and they don't. Maybe I was lucky, maybe I stayed in communication with them.

I teach computers in an elementary school. Today I was talking about internet safety to second graders and I asked them if they used the internet at home. About 12-14 hands went up. Then I asked them if their parents were with them and all but 2 hands went down. What are these people thinking?

I have two grandchildren living with me - aged 12 and 10, both have computers in their rooms and I only wish that I could find a suitable programme to monitor ALL their activities on the net - in my case this is complicated by the fact that I live in Israel and don't know of a programme that can work in both English and Hebrew. If anyone has any ideas I will be eternally grateful.