Thanks for all your input--I've decided to
follow advice provided. Your input really made me step back and look at this unemotionally and from a more balanced perspective.
1. Email &amp; the cloud is not safe for transmitting or storing private data that I would not want others to see. Cloud and emails are OK for "how is Mom doing" updates that I don't care who reads. Unfortunately, technology can still be "cracked" and social security numbers, bank info, etc. possibly being compromised woukld just add heartache to an alrready stressful situation. I never really read terms of service (TOS) closely on so many things. Once I many pointed out issues, I went back and looked--shocked! I was going to set up a VPN and encrypt but one sibling is techie and for it, the other is not and did not want to learn. So....
2. I have scheduled a conference call for this Sunday with siblings and asked they allow 1 hour and we will probably use less. I will dictate Mom's confidential data, they can write it down, and place in their safes at home. This way when I am vacationing in the Everglades or playing a slot in Vegas or whatever and have no cell service or can't hear phone ring and they need Mom's pharmacy info or some other piece of info, they have it. Or worst case scenario, they can just pay for it and I'll sumbit a claim to reimburse later.
3. 5 years ago Mom &amp; I had estate attorney write up air tight durable power of attorney, medical directive, and medical power of attorney. I am designated person. At that time she also had all of her accounts have a "payable or transferable upon death" clause -- there is a separate account for each great-grandchild, each grandchild, and each child plus her operating funds checking account that also has a payable upon death clause. This attorney was able to get an elder lawyer to review these documents this week plus Mother's handwritten letter that designates distribution of her jewelry (with whatever new pieces obtained after the document was written and are not listed to go to me or I distribute as I see fit). The elder attorney says all is in order and he sees no need for changes. I would like to keep siblings involved since this is a draining experience and I find I need more "me time" as it worsens -- they need to assist. But golly, working by "committee" is not a good experience and is driving a wedge between us. However, after March, there should be little more to do.
4. As many pointed out, this is a personal issue as well as a technical question. Mom was placed in nursing home section of her continuous care retirement center (CCRC) on 11/21. On 1/ 21 it was determined Mom cannot even live with support in assisted living section and hospice began providing additional services 2/7. We have until close of business 3/31 to empty the apartment and turn in the keys--she continues to remain in nursing home section until death. When Mom moved to the CCRC 13 years ago she gave all of her paintings/valuable furniture to us children if we wanted--we took turns choosing. The rest were given to grandchildren who, at the time, were all moving into new homes--again, they took turns choosing. Really what remains is nothing of significance. Mom's CCRC is 45 minutes away from South Padre Island, Tx. My sister has her home and rental property there and she OK'd for me to invite our brother and all grandchildren &amp; their families for spring break vacation and use one large 2 storey property plus her large 2 storey home the week of 3/9-17, which I have done. I will have each person draw a number, and that is the order they can pick and choose what is left--there is nothing I want, so I can be impartial. I will also distribute all jewerly at that time. If they do not want to make the trip, they can select anything in apartment via skype hook up. Then they must take what they want with them when they depart for home or make arrangements for it to be out of the apartment by noon 3/27. All know that whatever remains, I will document and donate to Goodwill, who are scheduled to come by the afternoon on 3/28, at which point Mom will have no property or belongings except for designated funds in financial instutuion as mentioned above and a tiny closet and chest of drawers with minimal clothing. I have pointed out that the cost of moving items will be more than the value--but their option!!!
5. I always think of turning to internet and technology for solutions. This works most of the time, but as almost all pointed out, not this time. Again, thanks for your posts and recommendations. As you can see, it got me moving! Now that hospice is settled and handling much, that eases the burden--I have learned that the sooner hospice steps in, the better--they have been incredibly responsive, pro-active, and a wonderful advocate. I just wish the cloud would have been a for sure, secure thing--but that is life!