Community Newsletter: Q&A forum: Share with us some of your e-mailing etiquette

Hi Forum Participants:

As a prominent etiquette expert, I teach e-mail etiquette every week. There are rules that should be followed but most people using it lack education in business letter writing. We often forget that e-mails sent to and received from businesses are business correspondence and should meet the same standards as a typed letter in a stamped envelope. The same should be true of personal correspondence. E-mails are just a quicker delivery service of the same correspondence you would send to a friend without the time and effort of writing a letter with paper and pen.

Regarding your received e-mail - if it has also been sent to a list of others, that list is not yours, even though it is visible to you. If you intend to reply to the sender that there is a problem with what the sender wrote, do so directly with the sender. Reply to all is only supposed to be used if you all are known to each other and perhaps need to confirm that you are aware of an event all the others are aware - such as a change of venue for a meeting.

Here are some other rules that are generally accepted rules of etiquette when using e-mail.

Dont Cry Wolf

Some e-mail systems allow you to tag messages with such terms as Urgent or Priority. Avoid these unless the message really is very urgent. All e-mail is delivered instantaneously, so the use of those messages doesnt get it there any faster.

Receipt Requested

Use Receipt Requested sparingly. Some services allow you to request a receipt indicating that the email was actually read. Use it sparingly. Some people view this as a sign of distrust. On the other hand, it can be useful if you are not sure the person actually logs on to the service to read e-mail. This feature is best reserved for those situations where you really do need a written record that the mail was received, or when you are not sure whether the person logs onto read his or her mail.

IT Never Dies

Be aware that e-mail can be archived and, under some circumstances, may not be secure. Online services and e-mail companies protect the confidentiality of subscribers e-mail. But some internal- mail systems are not secure. There are companies that consider their employees e-mail to be company property and subject it scrutiny.

Regardless of the system you use, e-mail, like mail and phone records, can be subpoenaed by a court of law in certain situations.

Identify Yourself and Your Subject

If the recipient doesnt know you, give them a simple sentence or 2 describing who you are and why youre sending them e-mail. Dont just start in with the message. And in the message, try to let the reader know, as soon as possible, what you are writing about.

Many services allow users to type in the subject heading. USE IT! and it shouldn't say "Hello" or "How are you?" Those and similar subject lines will send the e-mail straight to the spam folder on most person's machines.

Use Humor with Care

Be careful with your use of sarcasm, irony or even some forms of humor. It can be easily misinterpreted.

Unlike phone calls or face-to-face meetings, there is no interactive feedback from the other person, so clues like smiles or a warm tone of voice that might soften a comment are missing. Also, dont forward jokes you receive by email without letting the recipient know and asking permission.

Use Common English

Unless you know that the other person appreciates such things, be judicious in your use of slang, dialects and other unusual forms of expression.
This is not to say that you shouldnt be expressive and personal, but its best to stick to normal conversational language.

Know Your Recipient

Different people have different ideas of what is acceptable. Find out and respect each persons wishes. If you dont know the other person, it is best to be more conservative. Avoid sarcasm or anger and go lightly with humor it can easily be misunderstood.

If you know the recipient, and know his or her tastes, then there is little to worry about. But if youre posting a public message or sending a note that is likely to be forwarded to others, behave you would in a public forum.

Control Emotional Outbursts

Everyone gets angry, sometimes. Be careful how you express anger on e-mail. An angry, emotionally charged e-mail message could get you in trouble or embarrass you. If you are tempted to write an emotionally charged message, its best to write it off-line and let it sit for a while before you send it.

Remember, on most services, once a message is sent, it is out of your hands. Unlike the Postal Service, theres no cooling-off period between writing a letter and depositing it in a mailbox.

Be Respectful

Some people who are otherwise pleasant and civil become rude, disrespectful or easily angered in using e-mail. The apparent anonymity makes them feel immune from standards of common decency.

Well, you are not anonymous especially with services that automatically post your name or ID number. Remember that there are human beings on the other end of that email. The people reading your message will be as hurt, angered or insulted by rude email as they are from rude speech. E-mail is not a license to abuse or insult.

Use Email Whenever Possible

The biggest abuse of e-mail is lack of use.
Always ask if you may contact a person by email. Some people, especially in social relationships do not wish to correspond by e-mail.

Why play telephone tag with someone when you can send a message and log on later for the answer? Why waste paper from fax machines when e-mail will do the job, often for less money?

Read Your E-mail

Unlike a fax or posted letter, email doesnt get delivered. You have to log on and read it.
If you use e-mail, check your mail regularly. Some people subscribe to e-mail services, publish their names and never bother to log on.

Be Up Front about Copies

If you distribute copies of a message, its considered common courtesy to let the addressee know who else is receiving it.

Some services allow you to send blind copies - that is, to send copies without informing your original recipient that duplicates of your message are going to others, too.

Before using that feature, consider how you would feel if people distributed blind copies of letter they addressed to you.

Dont Be Pushy

In some situations, copies are used as a way to intimidate people especially if you tell them that youre sending a copy of your message to their boss.

Aside from seeming to be using intimidation, sending unnecessary copies of your message can be annoying to the people who receive them.

Be Succinct

Consider the recipients time and, on some systems, the online charges that may accrue.
Some people love long messages - like they love long letters. Others find them annoying. One problem with long messages is that sometimes the important points may get lost.


Dont SHOUT

Many people express concern about too many capital letters. They may be used to emphasize a word or 2 in a message, but not for the entire message.
Using all capitals for an entire message is perceived by many as shouting and it makes the message more difficult to read.

Remember-You are on Record

Because of the informal and conversational nature of e-mail, its easy to forget that it is a written communication. Unlike phone calls or personal conversation, there is a written record that could come back to haunt you. Anything you say in an email message can be saved, printed or sent to others.

Relax and be casual, but try not to write something you wouldnt want to see printed on the front page of The Washington Post. It may well get there.

Use Cute Symbols Sparingly

The surveys revealed mixed reactions to the use of symbols, or icons such as <G> for grin or little frowns or happy faces that you make with the keyboard, such as or . Some accept them as people having fun.

But others feel that the text itself should be used to convey any emotions and such symbols are unnecessary. As with other new terms, they may wind up someday as acceptable parts of our vocabulary on-line.

copyright The Lett Group 2007
www.lettgroup.com

If you would like to know more about the etiquette of e-mail, please visit our website and our blog at http://etiquettepro.wordpress.com

Cynthia Lett

It is rare for me to forward emails other than those which have been sent to only me(as opposed to those sent to multiple recipients). I, generally, cut and paste the body of emails I'm "forwarding" into my own email with an introduction indicating from whom the email was received and the subject matter. That solves an awful lot of problems encountered with the format problems inherent in forwarded emails, the need to open multiple emails, and the address list included in emails sent to multiple recipients. People see only my address as the sender. The email is spaced correctly, and recipients only have to open one email. I'm not sure why other people don't do this.

I have read a few interesting discussions on e-mailing. But seems like the worse sinners in my family are the same people that would probably never send me a chain mail (snail mail) yet they send me more "junk" mail then I know what to do with. If I actually do get something funny enough or interesting to send on to my friends I do my best to clean them up. Remove other people's e-mail addresses or all those tags at the bottom from other web accounts etc. UGH!!!
My mom has the worst habit of cap-lockin' in her e-mails. I have tried to explain to her that people feel that is like shouting. And for the fact she's been online for years she just doesn't seem to get what I'm telling her.
When it comes to work in this day and age is any joke worth your job? Sometimes you have to remind family members (if they have your work e-mail address) that if they even remotely question the e-mail then send it to a personal account so you can read it on your own time at home. My best friend works at a company that after like 5 minutes her e-mails are viewable by anyone in the company. I have worked for a few companies that have mirrored everything I've done on the computer. Which at one place I worked with a gal who would constantly delete (or atleast she thought she was because she was deleting her history) I just watched her and laughed.

Like Gordon, I get messages that are "warnings" that turn out to be completely untrue. I do not respond to all, only to the person that sent it to me with a link refuting the original email. I leave it to that person to set the record straight. However if it is something really bad (like the Obama email), I will respond to all the people I know personally.

As far as any rules, I think we should all stop and think before we send an email. Think, "Do these people really have time to show they are my friends by sending this email to 10 people and me?" or take the time to find out if the email you are sending contains reputable information. I tend to delete - without reading - any chain emails. So far no really bad luck has passed my way nor have I lost any friends!

At first this topic seemed pretty simple. However, a little common sense is needed:

1. Pertaining to Gordon's situation, it's usually best to reply to the originator only, and let the originator decide whether or not to set the record straight with the rest of the addressees. When Gordon replied to all, it caused embarrassment to the originator and that's generally not a good thing, especially if they are friends or co-workers. However, in terms of a more general informational email like something one may send or receive at work, it will have varying degrees of pertinence to those on the distribution list. If, as a recipient, you feel the need to discuss the contents of such an email, don't use the reply all function. Take a moment to single out those on the list to which the information is pertinent, or just reply to the sender and give him/her the opportunity to decide on further dissemination.

2. Like many others, I have an extreme dislike for chain emails since most of them are untrue or a waste of time. The rule of thumb I use is to ask the originator to please omit me from similar emails in the future - noting that I don't have time to read them and don't want to mistakenly delete something from him/her that may be substantive. If that doesn't work, then I will either set up an email rule to trash anything from him/her, anything that begins with "FW:", or just manually delete them going forward. It depends on the relationship I have with that person.

3. If someone does feel like it is necessary to forward a chain email containing a warning or something along those lines, that person should verify the information prior to doing so. Bill Gates isn't going to give a million bucks to someone that forwards an email. Yahoo isn't going to shut down free email and IM next month. The world isn't going to end tomorrow. Verify stuff like that thru Snopes or another resource before sending it on.

4. Keep automatic signatures under control. You don't have to include links to every online resource that you have, or include pictures of your children at the end of every email.

5. Avoid terse emails. This goes for both originated emails and replies. Cut down on repeated exchanges by including all pertinent information the first time, and be sure that you are clear in what you are communicating.

6. Last but not least, my pet peeve is careless and sloppy use (or no use at all) of English, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, etc. in email. I can understand that sort of thing with text messages on cell phones, but not email. There's no excuse. Sending a poorly composed email also sends the message that you are a selfish uneducated slob with a poor work ethic and don't care about courtesy or etiquette.

Anytime something is communicated, you need to keep the audience in mind. I feel if the person sending the email has multiple emails receiving a copy, then they should expect the recipient to use the "reply to all" option to allow a discussion among the group of recipients. Likewise, the burden of sending separate emails or using bcc is the senders option. If you want it private, keep it private. Don't berate the receiver for exercising their rights to a response. Think before you press "send". I agree with Gordon.

e-mail is a beast that's been festering silently behind the scenes for well over a decade. We all accept it as a form of communicating with others for anything from a simple hello to sending legal documents as attachments. But somewhere along the line, we seemed to have forgotten about peoples private lives. Because e-mails are sent behind the scenes and we dont see them, we forget there are actually private people on the other end. People with lives and concerns of their own and for the most part would like to keep it that way. Yet when an email is sent to a large group of unfamiliar people, its no longer a private affair.
Some of the things I live by, and request the same from those who wish to e-mail me, are:

e-mail DONTs:
DO NOT forward chain mail, all youre doing is flooding spam filters and email servers with stuff NO ONE wants. I dont want to knock those who are superstitious, BUT, others on your list may not hold the same beliefs as you and you should respect that by not forwarding these things on to them.
DO NOT forward religious or any other group e-mail to a blanket audience, unless you've gotten "permission" from each person to do so. We all have our beliefs and faiths, but should allow each individual to believe or have faith in what they choose without the constant borage of unsolicited communications. None of us like spam! If you send out unsolicited email, youre doing exactly the same thing as the people who send YOU spam! Then we sit back and complain, demanding the government get involved and do something about all the spam (oh no, did I just open that can of worms??).
When sending an e-mail out to a list of people where some recipients don't know each other, be sure to put ALL recipients on the BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) list then send the email to yourself. No one on the list has any reason to have someone's e-mail address they don't know. (do you remember back when you were a child, and a friend of yours wanted another friends phone number? Most of us were taught to contact the friend in question and ASK if it was ok to give out that persons information OR we gave that friend the information of the person inquiring and let them get in contact that way.) Why has this changed? Because we can hide behind the curtain of electronic mail and say, "oops, I didn't mean to do that"? Simple common courtesies seem to be disappearing.
IF someone sends out a warning email and you can refute the legitimacy of the information, you MOST DEFINITELY SHOULD reply to all so each recipient that was originally misinformed can be enlightened. There is no sense in perpetuating the panic/paranoia caused by the original warning. BUT, this can and should be done with tact and respect for the sender as the issue may have appeared legitimate to them and they may not know how to verify the topic.

The bottom line is, with all the advancements in technology, we seemed to have forgotten common courtesies when it comes to others time and privacy. Just because we see something that is important to us does not make it so for others. Personally, I have groups created in my contacts for different subjects. Each group has people on it that have either shown interest or have directly said its ok to send them this type of e-mail. Its a little extra work, but in the long run it saves me time and Im not encroaching on my friends privacy.

Theres more, but thats my 2-cents on e-mail etiquette.

Hi, everyone

The major thing I've noted in my experience with email, both personally and professionally is that it is great for sharing information but a poor vehicle for problem solving between people. There's something about email comunication that allows us to say things in a way that we'd never say to someone face to face. If not direct bad manners, there's a tone that seeps into the language and the result is often a downward spiral into upset rather than moving towards resolution of a problem. There are clearly some exceptions to this, i.e. collaborative problem solving, but correcting someone about what they've said or taking issue about some position they've taken usually leads nowhere via email. Trust this is useful.

Frankly, someone who sends out blanket e-mails on Microsoft payouts, cute homeless puppies, or new cell phone scams without verifying the stories on snopes.com deserves any e-mail spanking they receive.

Here's the ultimate e-mail etiquette: Don't be a moron. If you are and you get caught, shut up and take your medicine.

I don't think you should be offended at the originating person or others scolding you, nor that they include your email address in the "To" line. And you most lilely should not email the other recipients if you do not know them. Most people I know don't have the computer or internet savvy to use bcc for email address privacy. I do two things: when I send an email to multiple email addresses I type the first line in the body as such - your email addresses have been typed only in the bcc section for sending to ensure your privacy - and also when I get an email with a lot of addresses, including mine, in the 'To' section where I don't know those other recipients I send an email to the originator asking them to please use the bcc for multiple recipients to be safe, private, and spam free. The most difficult person to ask this of was my mother, lol, but she caught on quick and complies.
The scolders were most likely embarrassed that you emailed back to them not knowing them, and also scared for the same reason. Put yourself in their position. Of course, I just had a similar incident emailing a story that was only about 80% correct, but knew all of the recipients and most know each other also. One person emailed me (not replied to all) and stated the incorrect portion and a website to check such things so I sent an apology and thanks, then emailed a correction to the entire group. I am guessing that you may have thought you were handling the situation properly but stepped on some toes and may need some etiquette or sympathetic ideas so you won't have this same experience again.
Bottom line: ALL MULTIPLE RECIPIENT EMAILS SHOULD HAVE THE ADDRESSES IN BCC SINCE YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT EMAIL IS GOING NEXT - and if you want security to follow, ask the recipients to do the same AND copy and paste the email instead of forward OR when they forward to delete the section that has your email address as originator. Always be sympathetic to other emailers, they will get embarrassed for not being as tech savvy as you but if you handle it right you will get thanked and not scolded.
I hope this helps some of the readers, I had to learn this stuff myself

N reply to "The Truth About Email" and most of the Other Posters on this thread.

Wow TTAM u do go on and on .
Relax dude, 100 years from now we won't exist.
Meanwhile switch to strong ALE dude.

OP's same advice to U lot.....
"e-mailing etiquette" will eventually be defined in TIME and by Governments.
Just try emailing free-speech in CHINA...or Burma etc

Surf's up Dudes, catch ya later.

Galactic Cannibal

Suppose I want to find out if in fact someone is bcc an email to me? can I find out from the header? IOW, can someone bcc me and I not know it say on netscape browser? Also, is there away to find out if a person is sending more than one email using more than one name from the same computer to you?

Look at the message header. If the "From" and "To" lines both show the name of the person who sent it to you, AND the "CC" field is blank, or does not include your name, a Blind Copy has been sent to you. No other recipients will see your name, and if they "Reply to All", you will not be included in the replies they send.

Proper etiquette: A "thank you" note to the sender is in order! :o)