Community Newsletter: Q&A: 2/11/05 What does your kid do on the Internet?

For me it's about keeping track of PEER chat--NOT perverts!

My issue isn't with online predators or with my almost-15-year old daughter communicating with "an older pervert-type." What I AM concerned about is what she and her own PEERS chat about. And, I am NOT talking about your normal, teenage girly talk. Hey, I was her age once and I sure wouldn't appreciate my parents reading my private diary entries talking all about my latest "teen crushes" or just my innermost thoughts in general.

What I am referring to is when my straight-A honor athlete student has no qualms about "experimenting" with alcohol or pot, along with her equally "nice friends". So in order to make plans to do this, they either text message on their phone (which is locked when not in use.) OR they send IMs via AIM or MySpace. This is where valuable and admittedly, hard to swallow information is kept from parents...many who naively would never think their "honor student" would even THINK of doing something like drink or smoke pot. I know I've been pretty, darn comfortable with my smart daughter and the pals she's hung out with since kindergarten. They all come from good families who are equally as involved in their children's lives. HOWEVER, this past year has been tricky since they all became freshmen in high school. Suddenly our little lambs are thrown into this den of lions. Older students who might be more experienced and "worldy" have become very interesting to them. They want to be "cool" and fit in with their upperclassmen. Many are also "good kids". Some aren't. Either way, it has been a challenging year and I've learned somethings about my own daughter, as well as her friends, that have caused me to become alarmed.

In this day and age of modern technology, ie; cell phones and computers, the playing field isn't fair anymore. When I was young (and even when my grown daughters were teens), we all had regular land line phones. We pretty much knew who was calling. There was no IMing or text messaging in private. Today is a whole different ballgame. We, as parents, are often blocked out of crucial aspects of our teens' lives. Even the parents with best intentions. We simply cannot be there every waking moment to supervise them. And, believe me, I do my very best to keep on top of things! Just ask her!

I have gone over this in my head over and over and another parent has basically told me that she knows a LOT that is going on with her daughter, as well as mine and all their friends. I kind of felt she was teasing me by not being more specific about the source. But, when I mentioned internet keystroke monitoring---it was a BINGO-moment. And, yet I still felt she didn't want to be the "mom-snitch"....in other words, install my own software if I want to monitor my own child.

So, I will wait for the weekend to pass by and then think about installing it next week. Again, I am on the fence about this and part of me is scared about why my husband and I will do about any information we receive that is negative.