Community weekly poll: Do you monitor your kids activity on the Internet?
- 4/11/07 12:01 PM
Do you monitor your kids activity on the Internet?
by Lee Koo (ADMIN) - 4/11/07 12:01 PM
Do you monitor your children's or grandchildren's activity on the Internet?
-- Yes, I have parental-control utilities. (What are they?)
-- Yes, I am physically present when they use the Internet. (What about when you're not around?)
-- Yes, I monitor them both physically and electronically. (Please explain.)
-- Occasionally. (Do you think it's enough?)
-- No, I trust my kids. (Please tell us your secret to success.)
-- No, because I see no threat. (Please explain.)
-- They're too young now, but eventually I will. (At what age?)
-- They're adults now, but I think I still should.
-- Who need kids...I can't even keep myself out of trouble!
I'm not an adult myself!
by Solafide - 4/11/07 4:09 PM In reply to: Do you monitor your kids activity on the Internet? by Lee Koo (ADMIN)
I'm not exactly older than 18 yet. But I take care of setting up filters for our computers. My parents also look over my shoulder on occasion, and the computers are all in a very public area of the house.
We don't block or ban
by lostinlodos - 4/11/07 4:23 PM In reply to: I'm not an adult myself! by SolafideI know most people would disagree with our decisions but: we don't censor our kids. We'll monitor, and explain and discuss what they come across, but never would we block or ban. We don't see the information available as being the threat, but the concious act of banning and blocking information (including violence and sexuality) as a threat, not just to our kids but to all of society. They're both over 10 now, neither is over 18. They're old enough to know what exists and what is real/not real. No need to hide them from what they'll undoubtedly come across somewhere else eventually.
so... if you so happen to see them watching porn...
by rad91 - 4/11/07 5:08 PM In reply to: We don't block or ban by lostinlodosthat's cool with you? Maybe you would discourage them in doing so, but you'll take absolutely no step to stopping them? Just curious.
There's my own history in this
by lostinlodos - 4/11/07 5:20 PM In reply to: so... if you so happen to see them watching porn... by rad91I started my "sexual exploration" at a very young age; third grade. Today, I blame the repressive nature of my raising for having to find out that stuff on my own. I probably wouldn't have DONE half the things I did had I had another source to deal with, ie watching it. I have no intention of seeing them watch "porn". I have caught them digging around in those sites before, and both my response and my fiancée's (her kids by birth) tend to be the same, 'atleast be decent enough to watch it when we're not around' We both agree, though, that when they're busy watching, they're not doing. It gives them a way to let out that, er, tension, without needing to go other routes, like playing doctor. That cover it well?
so... you don't mind your 10-year old from watching porn...
by rad91 - 4/11/07 5:57 PM In reply to: There's my own history in this by lostinlodosI guess there's no law against that (though I gotta make sure my 10-year old don't visit your home when you're not there).
I can't agree with your argument that "seeing" will prevent from "doing". Are you saying that if a bunch of 10-year olds in the neighborhood starts excessively watching porn, they are _less_ likely from having sex? I can't prove it either way, but my intuition doubts it.
BTW... when you were saying that you did things as a 3rd grader... were you having sex in the 3rd grade? Because you were lead a repressive life as an 8 year old? If you were watching porn in the 2nd grade, that would've prevented you from having sex until at least the 4th grade maybe?
I don't block or ban either
by dlsears - 4/11/07 5:26 PM In reply to: We don't block or ban by lostinlodosI don't like everything that's on the Net, but I don't like censorship either. I know from my own youth that forbidden words, pictures, and activities were always the biggest temptations, so I take a different approach with my 5th-grader than the smothering "family values" and "the pornographic Internet sky is falling on our children" hysterics do.
I think that the most important thing parents can do to protect their children when they're not together is to establish a trusting relationship with their children. If your children respect you and trust you, they are more likely to follow your advice and obey your rules when you're not there to monitor them. And if you as a parent have a double standard about surfing the Net, you will neither earn their trust and respect nor deserve it. You have to practice what you preach. But you also have to be able to explain to your children why you think they shouldn't be visiting certain sites, posting certain kinds of information, and talking to certain kinds of people online. Children don't like "Because I said so!" as a reason for everything. A 10-year-old is old enough to understand that life can be dangerous.
I occasionally monitor what my son does. Most of the time he plays online game appropriate for his age. But last month I learned that he had a personal blog with pictures and text. When he showed me the content, I told him that I thought it was better for him not to post pictures of himself, and that he could not post personal information like his address, phone number, or school name and location. I didn't order him to take his pictures down. I merely advised him that it would be much better and safer if he did. I gave him a few compelling, it seems, reasons, because he then went to his mother, who had helped him set up the blog, and asked her to help him take down those pictures of himself. I explained to her my reasons for objecting, and she agreed. Neither one of us had to tell him what to do. He made the right and safe decision for himself.
I never have to hide what I'm doing on the Net. Neither does his mother.
We do restrict his access to the Net to one hour per day. He's so interested in his online games that he spends all that time playing and none surfing. The blog is extra, and he usually asks his mother to help him with it, so I don't worry about it.
I agree wholeheartedly with your decision not to censor but to monitor, discuss, and explain. How else can parents teach their children anything of value?
monitor and block
by rad91 - 4/11/07 6:02 PM In reply to: I don't block or ban either by dlsearsIn terms of technology, you can do two things... monitor and/or block material from your kids. You're saying that you wouldn't block material, but you'd at least monitor. Does that mean you would use technology that would help you monitor?
I say, why not?
monitor and/or block material from your kids
by dlsears - 4/13/07 12:53 AM In reply to: monitor and block by rad91Yes, I would use that kind of technology. When Windows Home Server is available, I'm going to get one so that I can monitor both my wife's and my son's PCs when they complain that there's something wrong going on with them. I will use that kind of technology to monitor what my son decides to view online. I don't think that minor children have a reasonable expectation of privacy in all respects at home any more than I think that people who use the company's network with the company's or their own PC do.
I bought my son's PC; my son did not. And he's still a minor and my legal and moral responsibility. I don't want to shirk that responsibility. But I don't believe that being good in the absence of the opportunity to be less than good demonstrates anything about character.
I don't watch my son to see whether he's stealing candy or toys from the local stores. I know that he knows better than to do that. That's the kind of trust I hope to be able to develop between us about using the Net.
I will, of course, let him know that I can and on occasion will monitor his surfing. I don't want him to feel that I'm going to be constantly spying on him. I do want him to know that this is standard practice in the business world.
My university blocks lots of sites -- mostly those considered to be pornographic by the powers that be, whoever they are -- but they often get it wrong. I don't like being blocked from sites that I know are not pornographic, but I do understand the desire of the school to keep its network free of downloaded porn and the malware that it often brings. I wouldn't have any problem with the school's blocking music and video download sites either (I don't do that at home either, so I don't know if they're blocked at school). I also don't much care that the school doesn't have a Usenet News server. Too much time at work is wasted by people posting to Google Groups, Usenet, and other chat groups. I can do that at home if and when I want to. I can't afford to do it at school, and I shouldn't be paid while I'm wasting my employer's time and money either.
If my son became a serious online game addict or porn addict, then I'd not only monitor and discuss, but I'd unplug and disconnect, and send him to a shrink. I do have my limits and I have no problem with setting limits for my son.
RE: monitor and/or block material from your kids
by Ptero-4 - 8/11/07 4:23 PM In reply to: monitor and/or block material from your kids by dlsearsActually, you don't need any new Windoze server box for that. You can just take any old PC you may have lying around, install ubuntu on it amd then install dansguardian+dansguardian GUI (search in the ubuntu forums for it) and you're good to go. I took an old Mac mini G4, put ubuntu with X11+icewm and dansguardian+it's GUI and it covers the entire WiFi lan (eith both my Ubuntu MacBook and the family XP xtech computer in it).
Don't block or ban either
by ravic1942 - 4/12/07 5:48 AM In reply to: We don't block or ban by lostinlodosI think underlying message is communicate with the kids; I have two kids: both are over 10 and under 15. I think our (wife and mine) ironclad requirement of having minimum of 30 min discussion after dinner at least 4 times a week really helped on trust factor. Oh, also every dinner, family must be together no matter what - only rare exceptions do we allow separation. Of course, in the beginning, the kids protested big time about 30 min discussion requirement. Eventually, however, they come to look forward to these discussions which sometimes can be lively or heated. We discuss anything from sex to religious to Bush, etc. I think this bonding helps develop trust to the point where we trust kids in having access to Internet. We do discuss Internet sites and the possible dangers of chat rooms, etc. So the key is build trust factor with kids by communicating with them.
Thank you, lostinlodos, for
by btljooz - 4/14/07 11:51 AM In reply to: We don't block or ban by lostinlodosyour voice of REASON and IQ Level ABOVE your shoe size!!! 
Thank you for BEING a REAL parent!!! 
To those who disagree with lostinlodos: YOU SHOULD NOT BE BREEDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
nuff said
.ol
by wongchichor - 4/13/07 7:36 PM In reply to: I'm not an adult myself! by Solafidelol same here
I use BSafe Online
by LarryH - 4/11/07 4:17 PM In reply to: Do you monitor your kids activity on the Internet? by Lee Koo (ADMIN)
It is available at www.bsafe.com (note the spelling). It appears to be server based (I don't have to download updated lists) and I don't really notice much of a delay). It provides reports of sites visited and you can allow/deny specific domains.
Problem? What problem?
by socrfan - 4/11/07 4:31 PM In reply to: I use BSafe Online by LarryHDon't have kids. Don't want kids. Problem solved. With the environment, population and political problems we face in this world today and tomorrow kids have much more to worry about than the Internet. I can't imagine bringing anyone into this messed up world anyway.
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